Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Oru telephone call!


1. No info to be given to kettiyon.

2. Its a short piece but the transaltions may add to the length. ;) And do forgive the gramattical errors in the traslations. Attempts were to retain the spirit.

3. Wicked mallu housewife humour. With malayalam jargons.

Mode: One of those days....

I feel totally over the roof, bugged with all the house work, no chaddi pals to bitch too. This is agrevated by the exam fever. A sudden thought 'my pre marriage theories, all the Blah! Blah blah! Blah blah! Holds no good any more. Everything has fallen apart.' Oh! That can be depressing.

But since brain and heart is overwhelmed, it rejects any understanding. It scans... beep, beep, beep.....for potential victims to bitch too.

Who would agree to all that I say? After which I could be feather light. Somebody who will just let it pass, ignore it and act like it never happened.

Scanning, scanning.. beep beep BEEP! Bulb lights up : Ammachi

To myself: Telephone evide?

*Where is the telephone?


Me: Hello

Ammachi: Hellooo! Araa keekunillalloo

* Who is it? I cannot hear.

Me: Ammachi idu njanaaa.

*Mom, its me!

Ammachi: Mole nee aannoo?

*Girl, is it you?

Me: Aiyo ammachi adde idu njan aa

* Oh, Mom! Yes ofcourse its me.

Ammachi: Enna ondu mole vishesam?

* So what is the news, girl?

Me: Ooo onnum illa ammachi.

* Oh its nothing.

Ammachi’s brain proceccing my tone, feel and catergorises it under SOS call.

Ammachi: Pinne enna mole, oru usharillathe?

* Then why aren’t you sounding so good?

Me: Ooo onnnum paraynda amme.

* Literally translated don’t say anything but it means there is so much to say.

Ammachi: Ennadi kocche? Vellom pattiyo?

* What happened? Did something go wrong?

Me: Enikyu maduthu ammachi, ee manushyane kondu njan thootu

* I’m tired mom. I’ve had enough with this man (man ofcourse is hubby dear)

Ammachi: (Voice changes, a little worried that I might just pack my bags and come home. I've always been the unpredictable one among her kids.)

Ammachi: Enna mole? Enna pattee?

* What is it? What happened?

Me: Ee veethu panni okke cheydu maduthu. Oru saadanam vecha salath irukyuela!

* I’m tired of doing all the house work, nothing remains in the same place!

Me: (Thinking: Oh wait I sound like her. This was her dialogue to me long ago.. Hmmn.Hope she doen’t remember)

Ammachi: Oh atreolloo? Njan vijarichu.....

*Oh is that it? I thought....

Me: Ee ammachhi enna parayunne... athare ollono? Enkinje vaya amme... Ingane poyal sheriyavilaa

* What are you saying mom? That’s it? I can’t take it anymore mom. If it goes on like this, it is not going to be good.

Ammachi: Pakshe mole... Ninde kettiyonu ninne vayangara istam alle?

* But Kettiyon (hubby) really loves you, right?

Me: (Thinking : Adu ippol endina chodikinne. Oh! She is trying to confuse me. Onnu, kettiyonde kuttam parayanu vechapool.... deey kedakunnu)

*Why does she have to ask that? Oh! She is trying to confuse me. I just called to to bitch about hubby.But then, there she goes.

My brain processing: I should have called Susykutty.

(Voice high)

Me: Ammachi arude pakshataanu?? Enndeyo kettiyondeyo??

* Mom, who’s side are you on? Mine or hubby’s?

Ammachi: Ennde koche ella aanungalu inganeyanu...... And then she quotes a few examples.

* My little one, all men are like this.

Me: Even then mom... you know how difficult it is. Remember all the ideas I had. Blah! Blah, blah! Blah! You know how tough it can be for me :(

Ammachi: (Thinking: Ahhaa! Adu nadanadu thanne. Ival areya pattikyunaddu?)

* Ahha! As if, that would ever work. Who is she kidding?

But then the situation is also the perfect bait that she was waiting for. Brain rewinds to pre-marriage warnings. And by now she knows me well enough to get me to say exactly what she wants and what I want too (somewhere deep down).

Man! This lady has vision... I always wondered, how she knew even when I didn't.

Change of mode: Ammachi goes into offensive.. and the dialogue follows.

Ammachi: Edde...Njan annuthanne ninnodu paranjadalle,?? Idu sheriyavillanuu!! Avan ninaku cheerathillanu... Njangalellarum pranjadalle?? Inji nee anubhavicho..

*Didn't I tell you that day itself? That this wasn't going to work. He wasn't right for you. Didn't we tell you? Now you can live with it.

Me: (Thinking: Now what is wrong with her... just now, she thought that I had the most wonderful and loving husband. How could she say this? She is the one who dottingly waits on her dear..est son in law. Filled with atmost repect and pride. Subconsciously saying, how did my little 'dagini'^ kutty (an evil woman from one of the children’s magazines) find somebody so sane??)

Now I'am confuseed, cause my brain has not yet processed Ammachi's stratergy. Btw this strategy always works.

Me: Ee ammachikenna pattee? Ippol endinanu pazye karyangal eduthu idunadu. Kurachu cheeta prayan vilichappol... Njan phone vekkygayanu..

* What is wrong with you mom? Why are you saying all this now? I just thought that, I could call and bitch. Forget it, am putting the phone down.

Ammachi: What did I say? You started it.

Me: Amma, am not going to talk to you. You can be really mean. Why don't you understand? Don't you realize how much kettiyon loves me??

Ammachi: (Thinking: Mission accomplished!)

Ammachi: Isn’t that what I was trying to tell you?

Me: Ok mom, will call later. Am feeling better. :)

Ammachi: So you are ok?

Me: Yes mom! Super cool!

Ammachi: Ee peenine kondu njan thothu!

* I'm have no idea what I should do with this girl!

One of those days changes to....

Njan kurachu cheeta prajapol, hoooh! endoru samadanam.
* A little bit of bitching and oh! what peace
Ketttiyon loves me and Kettiyon is a nice guy. End of story.

Me: Hey Achaya...
Kettiyon: Hey Kutty! What's up?

Me: I just called to say I love you. Bye
Kettiyon: Me too baby. Bye.

Kettiyon thinking with Lionel Richie singing in the background: My wife loves me so much. Guess am really lucky..

Daakini wicked smile! He he he ha ha ha!! ;)