Sunday, 8 November 2009

Through the fog, a ride on the cloud



Have you ever felt like you are going this phase in life, where you seem outside yourself; where the world just passes you by; where life is going through its usual routines but then you feel like someone else is living that life; It feels like, I have absolutely no memory of the last few months, and how it has passed me by. A lot has happened but yet nothing seem to have registered. Right through a death in the family, to shifting continents, to reading, through music, then yet nothing had the power to wake me from this dreamless slumber. Can one be void of feelings and emotions, where there is no reason to take a decision even at the most crucial time, hoping that the decision would just comeby. It is like there is no feel of the time, the seconds or the minutes or the hours or the days or weeks. And it isn't like there are no vague states of awareness, a reason or a thought, that I am going through this phase, yet I just don't seem to be able to push it to the level of consciousness. So as of now, I still feel like I'm floating or looking through a cloud... more like there is a lot of fog around me, and with me watching my twin live my life. More like a kite without it string, or just the string but it just doesn't seem to be held, more like its being carried by the wind...

It does not mean that I haven't the realization or that I haven't done anything to get out of this stupor. Questions have been raised and debated in my head, actually who am I kidding, a very minimal effort has been made to get out of it yet... And part of that effort is me attempting to make sense to myself by writing this piece. And the only reason I can come up with is, may be there is a sense of being unproductive. Which makes me ask myself, have I lost the fire and passion in life? What is worse is, though I have gone through such phases ealier its only been for a very short period, there was always something to wake me out of it or bring me back. Now that this phase has lasted longer, and the few efforts I have made seems to have failed, I only hope to figure where this drifting will lead me....

2 comments: